Shittin' Pretty.

Working at a petrol station doesn't have a lot going for it. The job basically involves standing behind a counter and serving customers, as well as sweeping and stacking the fridge when you get a spare minute, and other assorted jobs that make you want to shoot yourself (dusting pringles, anyone? The same pringles. Every fucking shift!).

All of these jobs though, still leave you in view of the door and pumps, so you know when someone comes into the shop, who's filling up, and you can authorise pumps if anyone needs petrol.
There is one terrifying thing that you have to do, that takes you away from the shop, away from the view of the customers, and into a dark, dingy place where you cannot hear and where noone can hear you scream.
That thing is taking a shit.

It's somewhat of an artform. Generally you glance outside and make sure there arent any people walking towards the shop. Make sure there arent any cars around that look suspiciously like they will need petrol. Keep your eye out the window and back steadily towards the 'staff only door' that leads to the toilet. Take one last furtive glance and dash to the pooper, unzipping as you go. Kick open the door and with your pants half down, shuffle awkwardly across the floor and plonk yourself down.

Commence your dirty business with a haste showing total disregard for your bowels well-being. Think you have time to relax and enjoy this shit? Hell no! 15 customers just rolled up to the pumps and are looking menacingly towards the window, wondering why the fuck the pump aint' working.
Taking your time reading the specifications on the oils stacked around you in the toilet? A squadron on teenage shoplifters just ran into the shop, vaulted the counter, and are making off with the confusing 'Rum'n'Port, Xtra Milde Shage Tobacco' that never sells!
All of the worst scenarios run through my mind when i'm all alone, pooping at work in that little room, and I always rush back out, tucking, adjusting, and zipping (I snagged my wang in my fly once, so occasionally swearing) to burst into a completely empty shop.

I have a job interview on Tuesday. Maybe this furious, stressful shitting will soon be a thing of the past.

-j