Spring Phone-Cleanin'

My old mobile phone held a total of 10 messages before its meagre memory filled up and you had to start a-deletin'. I don't know about anyone else, but I have a tendency to get somewhat attached to certain messages. My new phone holds 150 messages before it starts crying to be cleared, and I still have the same trouble.
Heres a few (anonymous) chestnuts from this delete, taken completely out of context for added hilarity.
- just swim in your underwear! :P
- practise my meagre carnal skills
- as soon as I get the products, i'm giving you a manicure!
- Mainly waxing...
- I'm gunna make you, Brad and Steve screw ugly chubbies!
- I dropped a bowl of pasta
- I've just been arrested
- I might have a bit of a problem sitting down.
- Aww... wanna shag me then?
- She's an evil bitch-monger from hell!
- Sorry mate, I have to romance my girl.
- Exciting chops
- I could really use some 'fizzy-good make feel nice' right about now...
- You pimpin on my birthday?!
- We're trying to cut a deal with the taxi driver and I don't think he likes it.
- Grab some blondes and beer and head round!
- Maybe the coughing thing isnt that sexual.
- Come clean my place!
And the lovely:
- Keep 'em off your turnips.

Admittedly, the whole 'taking it out of context' is more confusing than amusing... now that i've written it all out I realise it isn't that funny! But oh well... it's another entry and i'm not re-writing it!
-j