Back in the game!

I played my first game of basketball in about 6 months tonight, and I am absolutely knackered. Last time I played I was on a fast break, slightly ahead of this short little pile of shit defender, i jump for the layup and runs straight under me. We call this 'tunnelling' in the biz, and it used to be an auto tech foul if memory serves me correctly. Anyway, I almost cleared him, except my feet kinda hooked on his shoulder. I kinda pitched forward, landed on my wrist and broke the sucker. And the ball didnt even go in!
This is why i've been so hesitant to get back into it, but try I did, and I actually did ok. 13 points and a few rebounds. I threw in a cartwheel when I pulled of a flukey drive and all in all it was a pretty satisfying game (I trash talked some little dude all game. He got so mad! it was great.). There was one incident though, I got fouled, then a tech foul was called. I had to step up for 4 free throws in a row, and I missed every fucking one! Man, I looked like such a tool... imagine someone lining up for 4 shots and not sinking a damn one!
Well, i can only get better.
-j

F.E.A.R

I played F.E.A.R (it stands for first encounter something something. It's a pretty wanky name, actually) all the way through in the last two days. And let me tell you, that game freaked me out. It's so good! Although if i see a little brunette girl with a red dress in real life, i think i'll have to fight off an urge to A) Get to cover. B) Shoot her. and C) Wet myself. Its that good. All in all, she had a pretty good reason to be cranky though. But i'm not going to spoil it for my legions of readers who may play the game.
I really wish I had more to post... but I cant think of anything right now! I'm gearing up for a big weekend at the Berrigan Cup though, so heres hoping for some blogworthy shenanigans out there!
-j

Me & My Sis

bubnme
Originally uploaded by jases.

I really don't know when this photo was taken, but I reckon it's really sweet. It my little sister and I at a beach, years ago. She just turned 18 last week! Argh, they grow so quick!

My Class!

coursephoto
Originally uploaded by jases.

Heres the photo you've all been waiting for... my TESOL class photo!
Admittedly, it's all very boring, but I still had fun. Plus, it lets me try out this new fandangled Flickr auto-blog thing. Heres hoping it works!

Status: Completed

I finished my TESOL course!
This may not seem like such a monumental achievement, but if you told any of my friends and family that 'Jason finished something' they'd probably call you a liar and spit right in your eye.
I'm planning to bum around Albury for a bit longer (until the start of next year) and then start applying for jobs in China, and i've been thinking about Poland as well... mainly so I can get some snowboarding in.
I had the best intention of putting my class photo up, but I cant remember my Flickr ID. Shit! My first chance to spice this thing up with something other than my damned writing!
-j

Melbourne, part the 3rd

Well i've pretty much come to terms with the trains, with the fact that there are always a shitload of people around, and that there are people begging money off you fucking everywhere. I mean, i gave away about $10 just yesterday to people drawing on the street and asking for change and stuff. A guy from my TESOL class asked me why, and shen I said I felt guilt if he I didnt, he pointed out that i'd feel more guilty if the guy died from a drug overdose he bought with the money I gave him. Which I thought was a pretty good point, and hell, it'll save me some money to boot!
I'm back here in this cruddy little internet cafe, typing on what I swear is a pentium II 333 or something, running Windows 98se of all things. And this place charges more than the Lanmine (where I work) per hour for worse computer, a slow ass connection, bugger all deskspace and no games. I can feel my counter-strike skills leaking out of me as I type. Ahh sweet everloving counterstrike... how i miss thee!
Class is treating me pretty well. Im going to go and hit up another starbucks coffee and study in the sun now. Its been a beautiful day here, yet again! I didnt realise Melbourne was capable of it! Oh yeah, and i'm heading out with Cammo, Newthy and Steffy tonight, so that'll be fun! Before class at 9am tomorrow... so that'll be pretty damned rough.
-j

Melbourne, Part 2

Wee the course actually turned out to be pretty good. I was wondering how exactle one would teach teaching but theres a lot of things that you have to do to get your point across when no-one in your class actually understands your language. Theres a lot of gestures and interaction and getting the students to repeat and respond to what you are saying seems like it's going to be a chore. im just glad i'm doing this and not jumping straight into teaching like some people have!
But for now, i'd like to talk about Melbournes public toilets. They are in a word, hilarious. The ones i'm talking about are situated in the middle of roads in Melbourne, and are silver little rooms with electric doors. You press the button and stroll into one, feeling very conspicuous, because hell, youre in the middle of a busy street!
You press a button and the door closes and Mr Burt Bacharach starts cranking out of the speakers with "What the world needs now, is love sweet love". I think this music is supposed to put you in a peeing kind of mood. You can then either pee or push a button to lower the toilet seat (which is automatically washed after every use) and then you HAVE to wash up. Or else the toilet doesnt flush! So you put your hand under a sensor and it squirts a wad of soap on your hands. Then you move your hands along and wash them under an automatic tap, then further along, an auto dryer turns on! You don't have to touch a thing! No towel waste or anything! I love it!
Alright, I have to go to class now and read up on 'perfect present tense'... which is exactly as exciting as it sounds. I might get some Starbucks too. Starbucks pretty much makes any coffee I make taste like camel piss!
-j

Melbourne pt. 1

Well I jumped on the train at 12.25 Tuesday afternoon and just past Wodonga (literally 5 minutes down the track) some old chopper was having a ralph somewhere ahead of me in the carriage. It kind of set the scene for the trip, as we got to Wangaratta, a girl who looked younger than me got on the train with her two screaming kids and her one annoying mother. The kids proceeded to yell, scream, spit lolly banana's everywhere and generally piss me off as I hunkered over my bag and gently pried my water bottle from their sticky fingers when they tried to take it. One of them copped a whack in the ear for sitting on his grandmas smokes, which I thought was pretty damned funny. "Aww bloody hell Matt, you've squashed me bloody smokes!". Whaaack!. Fortunately they got off not-too-long after at benalla, leaving behind only empty chip packets, a coke bottle and probably a small puddle of urine.
The rest of the tip was pretty unremarkable. I reached the centre of Melbourne and mooched around until I found the street that the mate i'm staying with, Cammo, worked on and met him after he knocked off. We got a couple of beers into us as well as an amazing stir fry from a chinese place he goes to and took the scary train ride home. Fortunately it wasnt packed with weirdo's and despite the fact we both needed to desperately pee (I had a plot to funnel my urine down a newspaper roll (we picked up a few free newspapers to read at the station) and under the chair). I'm quietly confident I could have gotten away with it, but luckily it didn't come to that and I busted one out in a park on the walk to Cammo's house.
He has a pretty nice house, and a spare room so I actually had a bed to sleep on! I wasn't expecting this kind of service, thats for sure! I woke up this morning and it took me a good 10 minutes to figure out how the shower works. They have the funkiest tap replacement gadget thingy that i've ever seen, and I burned and froze myself quite a lot more than I would have liked.
Trains in Melbourne have always worried me slightly. I have a fear that i'll get on the wrong one and be instantly and irrevocably lost. My intended stop would whisk by and I would be dropped off at some decrepid little station and never be seen again. This morning I had to get on one, by myself, and take it into town. This was much easier than I expected, and I didnt get raped, molested, violated or cornholed once.
So i've been spending today mooching around Melbourne. They have some mad clothes up here, all of which I can't afford (they have a 'Vote For Pedro' shirt!). I'm not even sure if I can afford this internet time!.Despite this, it's a beautiful day and the filly's are out in full force! you can't swing a cat without smacking some drop dead gorgeous girl! And there are a lot of pierced, tattooed girls getting about as well. Hot damn. Truly, this is my elysium.
Course starts in a couple of hours, so I think I better get smoe more mooching in.
-j

Same old song

I actually bought my train ticket today! Another positive step to actually growing up and getting the hell away from here. Anyone who knows me knows i've pretty much been spinning my wheels for about 4 years now. I started uni, had a great time, but sure as hell didnt concentrate on that little work aspect of it, which got me kicked out.
I continued to faff around... working part time at an internet cafe, just enough so I could barely cover bills. Sleeping in too late. There was a a period where Jen and I used to hit the town every wednesday night and get hideously drunk on rum and generally have a blast (I distinctly remember actually getting her on the dance floor. If anyone reading this knows Jen, you'd know this ranks up there with the second coming of christ in the unlikeliness stakes). This was a sacred tradition until I drank a bottle of the stuff at a friends birthday party and spent the night in a banana chair, vomiting over the side. Apparently even 3 days of rain failed to wash that shit off Cammo's path, and theres a photo floating around of me bent over the toilet from that day.

Theres a few other memories from that time too. Too many to mention here, but I remember going to a 21st of a girl I didnt know, and hitting the free red wine. According to Cammo and Musil (2 mates of mine) I dissapeared, and apparently painted a stall in the mens toilet with bright red-wine vomit. Everywhere but the toilet, so the rumour goes. Rather than face the possibility of vomiting in front of everyone, my drunken logic told me to make a break for it. I tried to get into my friend Daz's place, but when that was locked, I had to go to a nearby pub (The Star) for a vomit and a poop. This wasnt a good idea as I actually fell asleep on toilet for god knows how long. I woke up and strolled out of the toilet to find the pub I was in was fucking closed. I grabbed onto the door handle and started rocking it, mumbling something to the effect of "Lemme out ya bastards!" before a dude come in the room and gave me the old 'what the hell are YOU doing here' look. I flipped the lock and bolted out of the pub, back to Daz's house where I fell asleep in one of his front lawn bushes for a bit.
I woke up after a while and realised my girlfriend of the time, EC, would knock off work about midnight (yes... it was only midnight) and she would surely take me home. I weaved my way to the SS&A club where she worked and lurked around the front entrance for a while until she came walkng past. I think she thought I was just some vagrant, wandering around the club, but I called her name and she turned around to see me, covered in leaves, staggering slightly and with a nasty purple teeth thanks to the wine. Apparently I tried to convince her that they were bulding a Macdonalds in Dedarang (a tiny country town in the middle of nowhere) for the entire trip back to my place. Hell of a night.

After a year or so of these shenanigans, I ended up getting a job at the mighty ATO, which was actually decent money and pretty easy work, truth be told. Except for the fact I was getting up at 5.30AM, every freaking morning, it was the break that finally allowed me to save some damned money and enrol in a TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) course. I start it on Wednesday and my train leaves on Tuesday! Wish me luck...
-j

The Welcome Cat

A friend of mine, Max, has a habit of telling even the most mundane stories so well that I pretty much wet myself laughing. This isnt my story, but I still thought it was worth writing down.

Max bought a house a few years ago and I had just helped him move all his stuff in. One of his first nights there he steps out the back door to survey his new backyard, and theres a cat lying in the middle of it.
He thought "thats a game little fucker!" and went up to pat it... but it was wet. He then noticed that it was lying in a puddle of its own piss. Max is pretty cluey and thought 'cats don't usually just lie in their own piss'. And it wasnt doing those cute little 'roll on the back' moves that cats sometimes do, it was writhing around coughing and spluttering. Max's girlfriend came wandering out the door, talking on the phone, and her eyes lit up. "Kitty!" and she ran towards it. Max got shitty at her and told her to call the vet, because it's "Fucking dying!" but she kinda tottered away still talking on the phone. And then the cat died.
His girlfriend came out a bit later and asked if it was dead. She came up close to have a good look at it... and at that moment, it gave one last HUGE twitch and scared the living shit out of her!
I came over later just after he'd buried the cat. His house is in a pretty rough part of town, I guess instead of welcome baskets they send welcome dying-cats!

Small weekend

I was doing my usual 6pm til midnight shift at work on Saturday, when at 11.50 or so a buttload of old uni friends burst, tipsy as lords, into the shop. I hadnt seen Daz, Nic, Tom, Kate or Rob in freaking ages so it was rad to fuck around with them for a bit, close the shop and hit the pub.
Jen was there too, and she'd been drinking for about 4 hours by that stage. She is great value once she's got a few under her belt. She somehow aquires a faux irish accent and starts quoting 'The Office', 'Black Books' and 'Shaun of the Dead', while telling me how much of a pussy I am for not having several shots of chartreuse.
At Sodens, I knocked back my beer, half Jens beer, half Toms beer, and all of Toms bourbon in pretty quick order. I ordered a squashed frog shot for all of us, which, due to the bartenders inexperience, was pretty much a curdled mess. And then Kate, with complete disregard for my health, ordered me a tequila shot. Without the fucking lemon or salt! What is that I ask you? Tequila is nasty enough without dulling the taste with salt and lemon! It was alchoholic though, so I quaffed it, man style (with a lot of pissing, moaning and pained facial expressions), and followed it with another beer. By this time I was getting pretty damned pissy, and Jen and I were babbling on to Tom (we used to share a house with him) about how we should get up to Canberra and see him, and about everything in general. Jen got the bright idea to get us a shot called a "Sperm Bank". I've Googled it... but i'm quietly confident that it's just som bullshit shot that the bartender made up and then fed to us! It was vodkar, something, and frothed fucking milk! And it tasted like a small cup of death.
A short time after that, we all parted ways and staggered home.
Great night!
-j

Say what?

Your Personality Profile

You are dignified, spiritual, and wise.Always unsatisfied, you constantly try to better yourself.You are also a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books. You tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life.You dream of inner peace for yourself, your friends, and the world.A good friend, you always give of yourself first.

The'>http://www.blogthings.com/worldsshortestpersonalitytest/">The World's Shortest Personality Test

I call total bullshit on this one! Thats for sure! I only chose that picture because it kinda looked like some boobs!

Shouldnt you be working?

At the moment i'm supposed to be looking at our hundreds of membership applications at work, and putting the birthdays into the respective members profile through works billing software. I will do it, but im in a real bleh kinda mood right now. Theres bugger all people in the shop, for some reason it's as hot as Hades in here, and I still feel a bit seedy after hitting the frothy's last night.
I think I pissed of a 'friend of mine who is a girl' (you know, that term wusses use for a girl that isnt really a girlfriend, but kind of is). She spent the last week doing a camp and msg'ing me a bit, and I popped in to see her. But just for a little while because I was already going out with some friends. All in all, I think she's cranky at me because I didnt hang with her for that long. I mean, i would have liked to, but it was a friends birthday! Whats a guy to do? Argh. Stupid guilt!
In other news, a car just fucking tipped in Dean Street! (the main street of Albury). I heard a screech and a thump and walk outside, and theres a 4wd, on its side, with a dude standing on top of it yelling at the guy who (i presume) knocked him over! Crazy stuff! Now all the cockhead P platers in their commodores with a shit sounding exhaust and awful taste in music won't be able to cruise up and down the street, subjecting people to 'torture by usher' (or whatever other cruddy music they have thumping. It all sounds the same).
The nights livened up slightly! I think I might actually do some work!
-j